The Bachelor: Season 21, Episode 5

I am going to be very honest with you. I missed the first 15 minutes because Meg and I was so invested in good conversation and the amazing dinner she had cooked for us that we didn't even realize it was 7pm. So if something crazy happened or something you feel like I should comment on... it isn't going to happen. Because I was eating some really great lasagna. But I am also assuming nothing happened that I needed to see because usually they spend the first 7 minutes recapping the season as if I am an idiot and cannot remember that Corinne and Taylor got in a fight and Nick has already slept with someone but sent them home, and there was a bouncy house.

Oh wait. Something did happen. It can be summed up with this...

Alright. So there is that. And then we take it into the house. And the rose ceremony. And since when do episodes start with a rose ceremony!? ABC! You were supposed to give me all the closure I needed every Monday. Quit with the carry over. And mostly I am just really sad that cute school teach Sarah went home because I really liked her.

Next up. One on one with Rachel. They have good chemistry. Rachel shakes what her mama gave her. And in a very public parade... like I was surprised how much she was willing to shake on live TV through New Orleans. And also as they headed through town the girls were able to watch them all make out from their hotel. How convenient. They ended the night with a special dinner and inside some Mardi Gras floats. She is a great girl. They work well together. I like them together. And that is about where I feel.

Alright. Now to the creepy and crazy group date. When I think New Orleans I totally think Haunted Plantation. WRONG. That is not what I think. Yet somehow that is where they went and landed. I feel like Nick was trying to hint to Shark girl that was the plan when he asked her about ghosts the week before. Basically it was a really good opportunity to stage some stuff and tell the girls that it was haunted. Some of that very easily could have been a ghost... but not really. Because ghosts don't cut down chandeliers on live television. They are smarter than that. And they usually don't move chairs a whole foot. It is more like an inch or two. But it was a great opportunity to make the girls say crazy things like "Ghost tell me if I am staying, oh it is flickering, we are fine...." Okkkkkayy.... Weird. Lots of weird. Oh, I almost forgot. The Ouija board. Not a fan. 

However. There were some great moments. Like Shark girl kissing N. Cage. Raven accidently said she loved Nick. And it was really cute and I think she is the greatest. Like, every week I like her a little more. And then he gave the rose to Danielle M.

Okay. And now the real great part of the episode. THE TWO ON ONE WITH THE TWO GIRLS THAT HATE EACH OTHER! Of course, we knew this was coming. Because it is always the two people that dislike each other that go on the two on one. Need a reminder? Alex and Chad. Kardashley and friend in the badlands. Twin and Olivia. You get the drill right? So let's send Taylor and Corinne. They got this. And seriously, the most romantic two on one straight to the bayou on a gator boat! keyyyyyyyUTE!

Basically this date turned into some weird stuff really fast. Because while one girl was getting her cards read the other one was telling Nick about all the mean things the other one had done. However, I will say. In this moment I felt like I like Corinne better because she might have exaggerated what Taylor said - but I really do think Taylor basically called her stupid. And I don't think Taylor realized that she was talking down. And then Corinne got all creepy and asked for a voodoo doll. Super promising. 

Then we get to let the girls sit there and fight while Nick is... somewhere? And they basically just say that the other one is lying and then Taylor tries some crazy reverse psychology to make Corinne feel bad but she isn't having it....

The Nick comes in to save the day! And then just as I was saying, "Well at least we know he isn't going to leave anyone here because they will get eaten by alligators...." He left Taylor there. And I was surprised because I honestly felt like based on the tattle tail sesh they would both be left.

Then while Corinne is showing lots of side boob as they go to dinner it pans back to Taylor getting... blesssed or cleansed or something by the lady voodoo and then walking straight to dinner to speak her peace. How did she know where they were having dinner? Must be the voodoo magic she got.

And that is where we end. Because, once again... they didn't leave me with a rose ceremony to talk about outfits and such. Which is so rude.

The Bachelor: Season 21, Episode 1-4

Alright. So obviously I took some time away from blogging. If you didn't know that, then just click back in my posts and you will see I have posted like once a month for the last five months. That is fine. And when Bachelor started up again I thought, I should blog about this. And then I missed my review of the women and no one said anything... so I was like meh, no one cares. I am fine not blogging. But THEN in the last week I have had a handful of people message me to ask for my blog URL to read my reviews, or ask where my posts were, or be like Deidre... are you even watching this season? Well let me tell you something I AM WATCHING. And now I am reviewing again. Because I would hate to let my four followers down.

So since I am a little late, I am just going to recap all my thoughts up to this point and then I will start my weekly summaries for you. How do you like that? I like it too.

First, let's talk about something. Does anyone else feel like they are throwing random girls into the rose ceremony every week? Or is that just me? I feel like every rose ceremony I am just sitting there thinking... wait. Who is that? Where did she come from? And I think that not even when it just pans by them.... I think it when they are going to tell Nick YES for the rose. How did she get a rose when I didn't even know she existed!? Okay. I just needed to throw that out there.

Now, for obvi - let's just focus on the characters.

Nick. I love you. I hate you. I like you. I reallllly dislike you. Okay. Wait? Why did you win me over to watch this season and then just let me down. Are the producers really paying you that much to act like a straight fool? I am just so blown away by some of the things he says and does and how awkward he is. Is he getting paid to be awkward? I feel bad because I feel like a lot of my awesome top picks are too good for the kid. I don't know. I am still a fence person for Nick.

My tops are Vanessa, the Danielles, Sarah, and Raven is really starting to grow on me.

Wait. Before I talk about my tops... let's talk about Liz. What!? That was so awkward that she showed up and was like "we slept together but I dont know if he remembers me...." so I am confused why she would announce that on TV. Was she there because of money? Or for plot twist? Or because she really liked him? All so weird.

Okay. Back to the tops. Vanessa. I LOVE her because she totally called Nick out on his crap. I didn't think I would love her this much, but I do. She is classy and she has got it together. Danielles are both great - one is a mega babe and the other just seems like a genuinely wonderful woman. And then Sarah is just the cutest. And I really started to like Raven after her one on one with Nick and their chemistry was incredible. I am sure lots of other people really like these women too so I won't dive into these ones too much.

Now let's talk about Jasmine G, aka Gabrielle Union, I really like that spicy girl. I thought she had a good opportunity to be the villian. But she just seems like a semi diva that likes to get all up in that drama.

Taylor makes me like eeeeekkk....... I cant.

Shark girl. LOVE YOU FOREVER.

And Jospehine, girl girl girl. She is that quirky girl that you are like is she cool or is she strange. I can't decide. One thing though, she looks like a girl that could do really well on ANTM. Like Tyra would love her because she would photograph so well. You know?

Okay. The real girl you are wanting to talk about. Corinne. Whhhhhat? She is female Chad. So if you had any ill feels towards Chad you probably also have them towards Corinne. These are the things I have seen that I think best represent my feelings towards her. "Corinne cannot be a real human! I think she is a plant." And then, "I think Corinne's parents just gave her a copy of Sims and said run the business." Yes and yes. She is gutsy and crazy. And I think she knows they made her the villian so she is getting crazy and crazy and crazy and she eats a lot of chicken nuggets. Come to think about it. She is sort of like a toddler - she likes chicken nuggets and naps and attention. So it makes sense she has a nanny. I am getting it now!

Alright. That is it. Wrapped up. All my thoughts up to this point. Now get ready for a week by week recap and let's rock this joint.

The Bachelorette Season 12: Episodes 3-6

I have failed you. I have failed you all. I am so sorry. I did all this stuff to become the Bachelor franchise expert for my family and friends, and then I just went and abandoned you like a jerk. I apologize and if you never read another Bachelor franchise post from me I understand, but I also really hope you keep reading them. Because I will be sad if I lose you. Okay. Apologies out of the way. Let’s get on to all my thoughts and feelings from the last few weeks.

Basically this post could go one of two ways. I could recap everything or I can just tell you what I am thinking. And since recapping everything would take longer than what you are probably willing to read. I am just going to word vomit – that doesn’t sound too appealing, does it? – all the things going on in my head about Bachelorette.

First. I am really sad about Derek leaving because I actually really liked him… and had predicted he would go a lot further, thanks for busting my bracket Derek. But I can totally see why she sent him home. He was very needy. No one with that blue of eyes should ever feel needy. Obviously girls will just love him simply for eye color. Anyway – when he got home I went and found him on Instagram and PMed him to see if he would go out with my friend. Fingers crossed he actually answers. They would look cute together.

Big Bad Chad. GOOD BYE CHAD. What more can I say? Oh…. I know. I think ABC made a really good job of making you look nuts. I think you are two parts man needing anger management and one part man that is extremely sarcastic but comes off like a lunatic. Thank you for playing right into the hands of all of America. We appreciate it. We also appreciate you sharing your sheer disdain for the Bachelorette on your Instagram account. If you haven’t seen it – you gotta check it out. He also has since found Swimmer Robby’s ex girlfriend and posted photos making out with her on his account. Class act.

Okay… those are mainly the two guys that have left that I felt I needed to talk about. Moving forward to thoughts on those still left.

Chris Harrison. Yes, I consider him a contestant because he is single and I am still secretly hoping for a contestant to be like “forget all these dudes, I am going for Chris!” Keep up the good questions, Chris. And the date cards. We like that about you.

Alex. Oh little Alex. He is a handsome dude and seems totally normal height until you pan across the group and see the camera drop down so you can see his whole face and not just his forehead. I just wish that he didn’t have little man syndrome. I feel like he is just as bad as Chad, but since he is like friendly sometimes too the guys picked him. And also the Bachelor probably didn’t feel like they could make a midget an extremely short person the villain. However, I really hated his reaction to getting a rose last week. Dude, just be happy you got one because I thought she was sending you packing. I feel like his angry mannerism of getting what he called a “pity rose” was foreshadowing for the crazy that is about to come.

Chase. You seem great. You also seem slightly boring. And while I like you, I also don’t feel like your story is super strong right now. Which is why you will either disappear or you will end up winning like Catherine did. I wish you luck.

James Taylor. Such a solid guy. I wish that he was handsome enough to be the next bachelor because I think the world would love him. I am honestly surprised Jojo has kept him this long because he seems to goofy for her. But I will accept that she has. And I also thought you should all know we looked it up – he has a real job in addition to his singing and song writing.

Jordan. Well obviously when you smile the world smiles with you. Except for James. He will throw you under the bus. I wish upon you a better haircut. And I really hope that you dont have a girlfriend at home like the previews are hinting you might. That would not please me.

Luke. My favorite. Some people think he has creepy eyes and I just think he has a heart of gold. He has taken Derek’s spot in the final two for me. One part because I have always liked him and one part because Derek is gone so someone needed to fill the slot. However, I don’t love that you are always posting weird things on your Instagram. Okay, not weird, but not cool.

Ken… I mean Robby. He really does look like a Ken doll. I hear you left your girlfriend at home – via Chad – and now Chad is making out with her – also via Chad. I am interested to see how this one plays out for you. I feel like you are there as a fake and phony and we wish we never laid eyes on you! But seriously… he is there for the followers. Also, your Instagram is too perfect and we spotted your girlfriend on there before Chad announced it.

As you may have noticed by now… we spend out time watching the Bachelorette also looking them all up on social media – mainly Instagram. Because that is where the real dirt lies. I am looking forward to the drama coming our way. And that is how I feel. So tell me, who are your front runners? How are you feeling about the remaining crazies?

PS. Did you see the Bachelor in Paradise cast is starting to be announced? I cannot wait.

The Bachelorette Season 12: Week 2

So I missed posting about Episode 1. It was all a little crazy with a three day weekend following a vacation and being so busy. I barely had time to watch - but don't worry I did. Here are my quick thoughts. I really loved that the intros were quick and didnt take a million minutes of my precious two hours. I was really surprised - after my awesome review of contestants - who I loved and didn't love. I surprisingly really loved James Taylor, Christian, and Luke more than I thought I would. Also - Derek didn't stand out as much as I would have wished. All my thoughts can be summed up like this - DRAMAAAA. I wish she would have booted more of the drinkers.

Okay. Onto Episode 2. Week 2. Looks like lots of the drama that I thought would come later is already coming up. Did they decide to bring in all the hyper aggressive gentleman to one season!? Couldn't they have spread it out a tiny bit? Wait... what am I saying. I LOVE IT! Bring on the crazy.

First up. A firefighting date. The men get to work and... wait. Wells is down for the freaking count. BYE WELLS! But not really bye, but he seems like he couldn't hack it. And by seems I mean he couldn't hack it. I sort of feel like that is sad because I think I could maybe even hack it? I don't know. But okay. The men get to be firefighters for the day and obvi Grant kills it because this is his actual full time career. Then they do a top three contest and somehow Wells gets in - are they trying to kill the dude - and then Grant, duhhh, and Luke. And When Grant beats Luke, Luke is so sad. And then the night date is norm as norm can be.

The first one on one goes to Derek! Maybe he did make a better impression on Jojo than I thought. Because he was behind the scenes on the first episode – like I thought he might go home because he got so tiny of airtime. But this puts him back on the map, emiright? Their date was super cute and unique. Choose your adventure – like those books from grade school, but in real life. Loved it all. Okay, but poor Derek with that story about his last relationship. Him and Jojo have so much in common. Both being in love with someone and not getting married to that someone because someone else swooped in. My heart. Ouch.

Cut back to the house the drunk and the dbag. Look. They are besties with testies, don’t test these besties. And they just talk there talking about muscles and protein shakes and how they are so much stronger than everyone else and more manly. And they know the other one is cool because they both wear muscle tanks daily.

Okay. Now the cocktail party. A few guys try to woo and win her throughout the night and Chad eats a lot of meat. I didn’t realize how great of a spread the contestants got each cocktail party. All you ever see is the wine glasses and scotch. But that is a ton of food and it looks like Chad didn’t even make a dent in it! It was like buffet paradise. The rose ceremony overall is pretty norm except for the bubble snow that Jojo doesn’t realize wont spread like regular snow when being blown out of your hand.

Alright. Time to rose some dudes. The three men that go home are Sir Hipster-a-lot which was an abvi choice, Will who surprisingly never got as drunk as I predicted, and my dear sweet superfan James… and in this moment my heart breaks. You should have kept the superfan, Jojo!! And yes – she kept the man I hate the most, Big Bad Chad. One part of me thinks it was due to the producer’s request but the rest of me thinks Jojo is crazy and actually likes him. Don’t do it, Jojo! Don’t do it! I will be honest – during the rose ceremony I was more of listening than watching so I cannot tell you who actually was best dressed, but I will keep my eyes peeled this week for it.

With all that being said and all that being shared – ultimately my tops are Luke, Aaron, and Robby for now, but I think I will be able to get a better idea of who I want to win as the season progresses on because… things change. Remember how last season Olivia was in my top three? So let’s watch and see how this all unfolds. With that being said – who are you loving this season? Anyone you are hoping to see go home, other than Chad?

The Bachelor Season 20: Episode 9

I am taking us back two weeks today for two reasons. First. I didn't get it done last week. Embrace it, move on. Second. The Women Tell All was just a bunch of girls being mean and bratty and I don't feel like that episode validated a post from me because basically what I would say is Leah is mean and the twins are mean and the whole night was eyes rolling and calling people out. That pretty much summed it up. So let's go all the way back to when there was an episode that wasn't a bunch of pretty women sitting around trash talking.

Ben and Chris enjoying the calm before the storm. Because a serious crap storm is about to come Ben's way. And then it gets to be relived as we all watch the episode at home. And then relived at Women Tell All. And then relived through every blog post, tweet, and rewatch... Sorry Ben. I am contributing.

First date goes to Caila. Once again, I can remember basically nothing from their date. I am sure it was a lot of awkwardness because I feel like that is how every date is with them, and yet somehow he selects her again every time. Caila said she loved him. They utilized the fantasy suite. The end. I don't have much else to say about their date.

Next up is Lauren. And Ben wearing shorty shorts. Is that a thing now? I don't get it. Their date started with a little service project. They are so cute always out there doing good for the world. They went to help baby turtles on their journey to the ocean. Baby turtles are probably the cutest thing in the world. And I am in love with them forever. But okay. Back to their date. After service and canoodling they went to dinner and Lauren told Ben she loved him. And PLOT TWIST - not really, because ABC already basically told us - Ben said it back. And in my mind I am like wait what? I thought that was against the rules. And then they went off to the fantasy suite. And Ben said I love you back to Lauren a billion more times.

Next up was Jojo's date. They started with a trip to the waterfalls. And somehoe Jojo's itty bitty swimming suit did not fall off when jumping into the water. Did she have that thing super-glued on or what? After some swimming and making out in the water they sit down to chat. And PLOT TWIST - Jojo told Ben she loved him. And PLOT TWIST - not really, because ABC already basically told us - Ben said it back. And in my mind I am like wait what? I thought that was against the rules. Yes. I said the same thing twice because I thought it both times. And now I am furious because Ben just told two women he loved them. Then Jojo and Ben hit the fantasy suite.

Now Ben is all alone at his very scenic hotel room and has to contemplate what he just did. He told two women he loved them and America hates him for it. The thing that makes me mad is now both of these women - not knowing what happened to the other - thinks that it is in the bag. And that they will be marrying Ben because he said I love you. And you don't just say I love you to two people at one time. A storm is a brewing.

Oh yeah.... what about Caila? She is still in this thing and decided she wanted to see Ben one more time because she just loves him so much and misses him. She did have the very first date after all. She is so excited to surprise Ben while he is contemplating what he should do because he loves two women - one not being Caila. And all of America cringes as she tries to sneak up and be so cute. All of America is also probably wondering when swimsuits became acceptable outing apparel.

And once again, just like Leah, the woman regrets surprising Ben. Because he sends her home. He says he just couldn't say I love you back and that was it. Just kidding. That wasn't it. Caila stops the car driving her away to get out and demand an explanation from Ben. Which is more emotion than I have seen from her all season. This might be the first night I actually like her. Okay - side note. Did you hear she was going to be the Bachelorette? I am not sure I am pumped about that. I hope it is just a rumor and not fact. Thoughts?

Now it is time for the two women to go to the rose ceremony - not realizing one was already shipped away. Chris Harrison is looped in that both women got an "I love you" back from Ben. And to which I can only imagine he is thinking, "That is breaking contract... and they both told me. Awkward." What do you think his face is saying?

From there Jojo and Lauren wait for Ben. And both of them are probably thinking "He called me first because he loves me," or "He called me second because he loves me." And they are both looking at the other thinking this poor girl doesn't know what he even said to me. But then it cuts away to interviews and I think Lauren B has a much more realistic grasp on things as she shares he might have said that to Jojo. Cue the most awkward hug and champagne toast of my life.

The world's most awkward hug. And then there were two. However, we know Ben loves them both and we know Ben selected on and is happily engaged. Even after she sees all the crap he pulled in the last episode. So who do you think it will be? Most of the world is saying Jojo - but I am saying Lauren. Excited to hear your thoughts after tonight!