Three Years Married

Yesterday we celebrated our third year of marriage. Crazy to think that we are three years in - and even crazier when you think about we have only lived together for about half of that. I think that is one reason why it doesn't feel like we have been married that long... That reason combined with I really am so much happier with Adam makes these last three years seem like three minutes. I am SO lucky to have Adam as my best friend and my husband. And I will spare you the mushy post for now... but know that I couldn't have found a more perfect man for me. And now keeping up with traditions I am going to share our third year by the numbers.

 

During our third year of marriage...

1 brand new home purchase
0 children
1 puppy
132 days apart
2 new jobs for Deidre
1 baseball card for Adam
45 innings pitched
1 allstar team for Adam
4 trips to see Adam - one in AZ, three in AL
1 move to Idaho
155 baseball games
4 trips and vacations
44 strikeouts for Adam
2,228 miles between us during baseball season
dozens of date nights
hundreds of selfies
thousands of minutes texting, FaceTiming, and talking
millions of memories and laughs

You can catch our first year in number and our second year in numbers too. Can't wait to see what year four brings us. I have a gut feeling it is going to be a big one in the Miller home.

Love Completes Each Other

A little while ago my friend Tausha asked if I would participate in her Love Dare channel. She assigned me with Day 33: Love Completes Each Other. The pages themselves talk about how we are separate and individual. As a husband and a wife we are two totally different human beings with different skills, different families, and different personalities - but when we combine we can find strength and progress as a whole. The date for the day was to recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

While I was excited to see what dare she would give me, when I opened the email I thought to myself, this could not be more perfect for Adam and me. I have always known that through a thoughtful Heavenly Father I would be put through different trails and successes to make me the person I am. I would have the ups and I would highs and I would have the lows, that is part of being here on earth, and everyone can attest to that. But I have never totally thought about how my highs and lows would become a perfect fit for my spouse's highs and lows. That our experience before we met would prepare us for each other and that somehow, so perfectly, we would be each other's rock through it all. I always just thought of it as some give and take, but it is give and take with the strength from a mightier power.

There have been many times that something has gone completely wrong and upside down for one of us, in turn making it a huge point of discussion and topic in our marriage. Because now we are not two, we are simply one. And when something happens to one of us, it happens to both of us. When I got laid off, we lost our income. When Adam for drafted, we had a life in minor league baseball. When I got a job offer in Idaho, we moved together. And when Adam got an arm injury, we had to discuss options in case things didn't work out the way we had planned. And right away we knew we needed to create a plan to make a strong marriage through times of decision, so no matter what was in front of us we were a united force.

Discuss what the problem is. We decided it was important to really discuss everything that happened. Every option. Every success. Every failure. Everything and anything that could contribute to what got us into the place we were now. We wanted to make sure we both fully understood what the other person was going through. Because if we didn't know that we would not be to give our input into solutions. Plus, just being able to get inside the other person's though process and really understand helps to be empathetic.

Discuss solutions. And when I say solutions, I mean it as solutions. Don't just think of one solution and run with it. Really make sure you consider all your options, and discuss every option. As you do that make sure you present and concerns with things being brought up. Be honest and be forward with how you feel. Don't let one person drive the conversation and you resent them later. Make sure you are on the same page through all the solution conversation.

Remember that you will need to compromise. Once you have a few options, narrow it down to one solution. The one that feels best and is most reasonable for both of you. There will be a lot of give and take here, because while no answer is perfect one answer will be perfect for both of you with compromise.

Pray about your choice. Prayer is important in our family, and for some people prayer might come in the form of talking to someone or journaling and really pondering it. But for us, we pray. Once we have a choice we pray about it to see if we get the good feels about what we decided. We pray together and we pray individually over multiple days. Then we come back together and discuss any thoughts or impressions that we have had over our choice during that time.

Agree and move forward. This is the most important part. Once you have done all the discussing and pondering together and on your own, come back together one last time and make sure you both still agree. Then move forward. Don't look back on other options, just move forward and know that you made that choice as a team and it was the right one.

Marriage is a team sport. And through his strengths and her strengths you become a team that can win, but only when you put your trust and love into your what your spouse has to offer. Only then can you become one complete unit, a game winning team. I can honestly say that Adam has been my rock through some of the hardest times, and I think he would say the same thing for me. When we see one person softening and weakening, we become strong for them to help lift them and raise them. Because our team, our marriage, is only as strong as we make it. It is only as strong as we let it be. Sometimes Adam will carry me through the storm and sometimes I will lead him, but that makes us strong. And that is where our love steps in to complete each other.

Paint Nite

This little gem has been tucked away in my drafts for four months. Way too long. I am just slow at getting things off my camera these days. And once I got these ones off I took a sabatoical. Also coming soon are photos from our anniversary in August. Just pretend all of this happened really recently, yeah? So this is a date that I mentioned in our anniversary questionnaire a while back. Our date night at Paint Nite. We always take turns planning date night. Usually mine revolves around whatever treat I want and something that Adam swears he would never want to do - like pedicures, which he loved. Okay, that is not totally true, but that was one date I planned over his time home to rehab his arm. Adam's is usually something far more creative. He is really good at searching out the fun things in the area. And one thing he found was called Paint Nite. How it works - you sign up online for a class based on the photo you want to paint. It is usually at a restaurant so you can eat and drink while you paint. We botched that one when we went to Costa Vida first, but Costa was oh so good. They give you a smock, a canvas, and all the paints. Oh, and an instructor to make sure you know what you are doing. The painting for the night we went was the Boston skyline.

We had so much fun cozied in a booth trying to figure out how to paint and be artists. And what do you know? I think our paintings turned out pretty well. Apparently we do have some artistic ability. Well, we already knew Adam did... just ask him about his fish - or if you ever come to our house look in the main bathroom because we always hang it in there so most guests will see it. It was fun to get some new artwork, to try something different, and try out our hand in painting. These beauties will be going into our guest room at the new house. So when you come visit us you can see them up close and personal. Have you ever gone out on a crafty date? What is the favorite date you have gone on?

What Distance Has Taught Me

Two years isn't long. A lot of people would still consider Adam and I newlyweds. Or just barely out of the newlywed phase. But as we are preparing to celebrate our anniversary I have been reflecting a lot. I have been using the last month specifically to reflect. And at the end of the day, here is what distance has taught me. A long distance relationship and a long distance marriage. About love. About trust and communication. And most of all about what a relationship really is.

I can tie it back, all my thoughts and all my reflection, to what I would consider the hardest month of my marriage, actually my life, so far. And it has a million lessons in it. The week started with my breaking my blog. Seems like a really silly thing to be upset about. But I was. Seriously, all my posts all my everything had disappeared while I was trying to switch my URL to my new brand. It was like at night. like 11pm... which means it was 2am where Adam was. And he had already been asleep for a few hours. I text him probably ten times. And then I called him time and time again until he picked up. And when he finally did I couldn't even speak. I was crying hysterically. After about 20 minutes of me sobbing and Adam saying, "There must be a backup somewhere... things dont just disappear." I started to tapper off. I got so tired I just needed to go to bed. We prayed over the phone for comfort, and I was out like a light.

Next day. Blog still broken. I frantically got in contact with my hosting company. They fixed it. So, why stop there? Onto the next issue.

Work. I had work. And I had been struggling with my job to begin with. I had a few rough patches here and there. I wasn't sure if I was made for the job I was doing. I went in to meet with my boss. And she told me I wasn't acting like I was made for the job. It was a low blow for me. To be totally honest, I have never had to work that hard. That sounds silly when I say it out loud. But things have been pretty easy for me. So to hear that a job that I was killing myself to do, and it was so rough for me wasn't panning out. Low. Blow. Oh, and to end that conversation? My boss told me I wouldn't be able to take time off to go see my husband for our anniversary because someone else had already requested it off. Which meant I wouldn't see Adam for another almost two months. I walked to my office feeling sick. And embarrassed. And just beat down. I text Adam, "Can you talk?" And he said, "Yeah." So I picked up and I dialed. And once again. I cried. And cried. I started with telling Adam how I couldn't do my job. And I ended with telling him I wouldn't be coming to visit him for our anniversary.

Now this work issue carried for a few days. I cried that night. I talked to my parents. I cried. I talked to anyone. I cried. The fact that I felt defeated at work was hard enough, but knowing that I wouldn't see my husband for a long time really beat me down. Like ripped me apart. And even though I was at my lowest low, Adam took the time to talk to me every minute he could. To build me up. And even though I didn't listen, he kept trying. We prayed. We talked. And I hoped I would get the strength from somewhere.

On a regular basis I still get anxious at work, like am I going to do something that upsets someone? Are they going to be watching me so closely so I mess up? But that is beside the point. I am at a point now where I can really work hard. And I am learning to deal with a job that has kicked me down the stairs ten times. Then there was the flooded house. Then there was the medicine that made me so ill. Then there was Adam's arm which appears to be injured slightly again. Then there was I am sure other things that I can't even remember.

It might just sound like I am rambling at this point. But I am getting to the point right now. So why am I telling you about the hardest times I have experienced so far? Because it all lends a part to the story of the time apart for Adam and I. Because if you remember, Adam and I are living in different states right now. And so all these trials are happening while we are 1800 miles apart. And this distance is teaching me valuable lessons.

Marriage is a lot more than the time together. So often I have women tell me, "I could never be apart from my husband that long." Or something like, "We've only ever been apart 10 days in our whole 5 years being married!" And while the time together is something wonderful, the time apart it teaching me to appreciate Adam.

The distance has taught me the importance of communication. And not just the, how was your day, lets eat dinner and cuddle while we watch TV communication. But the real communication. The discussions about hard things like what are we going to do if this career path we picked doesn't work out or what is the root cause of you being so grump and irritated right now? We can't just kiss and makeup and hope that tomorrow both of us will be over it. Because we don't have those options. We have to actually sit down and discuss and communicate our thoughts and feelings.

We have to open up about our hard days. We can't just say, "My day has been hard because of x, y, and z and just being with you is going to make it better." Because when x, y, and z happen... we only have the option to talk about it. And really explain that those things happened because of something we are doing, or not doing, and we have to be honest with ourselves too. And then together we figure out solutions for things.

The distance has taught me to be up front, even if it might not be Adam's favorite thing to hear. I am the queen of telling people things are fine when they are not. Of down playing my anger and my disappoint. And when we are apart I try to do it even more. Because I don't want Adam to feel guilty for leaving me home alone in the summer. I want him to enjoy his time and I want him to think everything is wonderful here. But I have learned, despite what other people suggest, to wear it all on my sleeve. To tell Adam when I am unhappy. And when things are rough. And when I just wish so badly I could be with him, because it makes us appreciate the great times even more. And it helps us learn how to manage the hard times even.

But most of all, the distance has taught me to appreciate the time I do get with my husband. The face time. The one on one time. The small moments. The little laughs. The silly memories. The dates. The hold hands. The kisses. The meals cooked. The times he does the dishes because he knows I hate doing them. I appreciate those things more than I ever would because I don't always get to look over, see his face a few feet from mine, and reach for his hand.

Distance has taught me that in order to be the best couple, we have to be our best selves. We have to open up and be completely raw and real with our feelings and our insecurities. Because the only way I am going to be better is if Adam and I can talk through what I need to do to be better. And what steps I need from him, while he is 1800 miles away to support me in that. Marriage is about trust, planning, and support beyond words of comfort.

I Said Yes

Two years ago Adam sent me to get a crack apple and I came home with a diamond. One of the best nights of my life is when I said yes. Now someone, tell me how I got so lucky? You can watch a recap of our engagement from me here or read Adam's side here. But if you don't feel like clicking around here is my side of the story...

Bret text me and asked me to do a favor, Adam said he has a PPI, so I figured why not? Plus I had 200 calories left on my count for the day and so Adam said we could get a crack apple and I could have two pieces of it. When Adam left to get ready for his PPI I went to RMCF to pick up something for Bret. I walked in, waited in line, and when it was my turn I said, “I need to pick up something for Bret and I need to buy an apple also.” The girl smiled and said, “Oh! You actually get one for free, which do you want?” and then she handed me an envelope. I thought… this isn’t an apple… and then I thought… oh my gosh. THIS IS HAPPENING! I opened the letter while she got my Reeses apple and cut it… The letter read “don’t get any assumptions, come to me!”so I did. I drove to Rock Canyon Park, the entire time check my pulse and thinking to myself, is Adam playing a trick or is this really happening? When I got to Rock Canyon Park I text Adam, “Where are you?” he said he was at the South pavilion so I walked that way and saw him standing there smiling. I just hugged him and looked at him as he walked me over to the opposite end of the pavilion to a table. There were flowers, candles, another note, and a big white board that said “Yes” and “No” with huge check boxes. I pointed to the note and said, “Do I read this?” and he said “yes!” I opened the letter and read it. Immediately my eyes started to water. It was the most beautiful letter. It said why he wanted to marry me and why he loved me, later I asked if he wrote it because he might cry saying it and he said, “No… I just wanted you to have that letter forever!” At the end of the note it said “When you get here give me the thumbs up”, I turned to Adam and gave him the thumbs up and he knelt down on one knee and said the words, “Deidre, will you marry me?” I started crying and said yes, he stood up and gave me a hug “I hope those are happy tears!” “they are REALLY happy tears!” He put the ring on my finger. Then Gloria came out of the bushes to take a few photos and say her congratulations. After she left we just talked and he told me how the proposal went and we called and text our family and friends.

I am married to the most perfect man for me. I am reminded every day of how hard working he is and how much he loves me. And while I have my flaws and neither of us are perfect, it works. Because we are in love, and we put our relationships in the hands of trust, love, and communication instead of the hands of doubt and flaws. Every single day I am happy I said yes to this man. Even through the hardest of times, I wake up happy knowing I am married to Adam.