Are you ready for another love filled week on The Bachelor: In the Field of Love and Crying? If you aren't you can get a refresh and recap on last week's episode to prep you for all The Bachelor glory. If you don't want to get any spoilers - stop here because I am going straight into the heavy stuff. If you remember, last week ended with some heart broken women heading out after the first cocktail ceremony... but one decided she wasn't quite ready to leave. And this is where is all begins, Bachelor Nation.
We start with the New York yoga queen begging to be back in the house. She just really feels like she needs to be here. It feels right. But if it feels so right then why the heck didn't you make an effort to talk to him? Because you clearly stated you got eliminated because you did not talk to him. But Farmer Chris, being the nice guy he is gives her a second shot at love. And the girls are surprisingly cool with it. I say surprisingly because they were not that cool when they thought there were 15 girls and there were really 30.
Host Chris brings the first date card and a huge announcement - Farmer Chris is living down the driveway so bug him as much as you want. This should be promising! First group date. A pool party? Awesome. Wait... scratch that ladies! Put on your heels and we are walking to a remote location in our swimsuits - cue the honking cars driving by - to race tractors! Which, apparently no one realized are slow? SURPRISE! And Ashley I. wins a little one on one time by somehow cutting off the other tractors and almost dying while she cheers. And once Farmer Chris and Ashley I. return to the group of ladies, he proceeds to send them all home for a one on one date with Mackenzie.
But before we get to their one on one time, let's go back to the house where two young ladies decide to raid Farmer Chris' end of driveaway mansion and try on his motorcycle helmet. And then they decide to test it out by running their head into brick walls and fridges. "Don't tell a soul!... A Soules! Get it?" Also - a sad story telling where the sweetest lady shares about how her baby's father killed himself shortly after he was born. Strong woman. Lots of tears. I couldn't do it. She is so strong and positive - I admire that! Now back to the date.
First three topics of choice? Former ear piercings, big noses and their appeal, and aliens. Off to such a good start! And then she starts talking about how she hasn't dated in so long, which leads to her talking about her 1 year old. Which seems strange because she also sort of talks like a 1 year old. But Chris digs it and she gets a rose and a kiss. Then she proceeds home to tell the girls they kissed 5 times. She can count!
The first real one on one date arrives. And the girls are all sorts of jealous. A private plane which leads to an epic helicopter ride. All good things. Then a desert wine tasting and another sad story. Her father died of a massive heart attack shortly before the show - there is so much death in this episode! All the feels. Seems like a solid girl. Solid enough to get a rose. And she seems totally shocked by it, but I am not. A rose for you. Not much else to say about this one.
The final group date has arrived. And boy is it a doozie! A zombie killing date. This sounds like all of my video gaming dreams come true. Accept, I am also terrified. Scream and shoot girls. Scream and shoot. But don't forget. FIND THE BEACON!
Crazy onion girl keeps talking about shooting her teammates. Shoot zombies. Not each other. How does she not understand it? ZOMBIES. THEY ARE DEAD. Probably gross looking. Not in makeup, heels, and sequins. "I would never shoot you!" Why does she talk so slow? She is clearly taking this very serious. "We will kill you." And then she keeps shooting them as they lay there on the ground. The Mesa Verde. The Mesa Verde. And then she just walks through a cloud of dust and zombies like no big. But her scene comes to an end because they found the beacon. And now they party because the girls "really killed it today" - good one Farmer Chris.
And back at the mansion we have Jordan. Better known as Drunk girl because she is apparently drunk every night.. Not concerned at all with anything accept free booze. Twerking on the wall. And then she starts doing impressions, talking about hairy behinds, and who knows what else. Slurred and slurred.
And then back to Onion girl and her paint ball escapades - "Did you shoot me in the ankle?" To which Onion girl says, "I would never shoot a person. It might have ricocheted." Then she talks about angels - in the candle, getting roses, you name it. More Ashley. Wandering. Listening in on people. "Heard the truth. Like boom!" And then the other girls are told to go find their own way to the truth. Long pauses. Hide and seek? Adventure? I am so freaking lost. It looks like Farmer Chris is too. Mesa Verde again. And then she walks in on his interview. "I'm not just going to be fake with you. Your leather smells really good." Her quotes could be a post all in their own. So I will stop with this one. "You don't want to loose the whole world. But you don't want to gain the whole world. You don't want to loose your soul."
Britt again with the good conversation. He is so into her. You can tell. And I love it. He brought her a "Free kiss from Chris." And then she wins again with more Farmer Chris kisses. And the group date rose goes to Kaitlyn - the foul mouth girl from episode one. But she isn't as awful this one. But I also don't love her. More to come.
Whitney's voice is much less annoying. She surprises Chris with a nice little back porch date and it is so cute. So I am feeling better about her.
Ashley I. is a virgin! Which is great because Farmer Chris is a renounced virgin. Oh... and Mackenzie is jealous that she is a virgin? That is actually disgusting that she is so in love with that wishes she would have had that? Well... you could have been. And then Ashley offers him three wishes on her magic lamp belly button ring. But he has to rub the magic lamp belly ring to get his wish. What? Wait? And then everyone gets to see them make out. Like hardcore makeout.
And the bartender says, "I want to kiss you so hard! Is that allowed?" Of course it is. Kiss away! Jordan is drunk again. Lots of slurred words. "Don't be weirded out. I'm only kind of a stalker." Enter Host Chris, symbolizing the end of the cocktail party. Then end of the making out. And the end of some girls dreams to be a farmer's wife.
The rose ceremony begins. Only two things of note for the rose ceremony.
Juelia and Jillian stood way to close together for their similar names. He called Juelia, but Jillian heard and started walking forward...
But wait. As if her walking forward for the wrong name and then realizing it and going back is not enough, it gets better.Wait for it. Wait for it....
So awkward. I feel so bad. And then her laugh. Oh, wait, and then she offers to fix the rug. Poor soul. But at least she ends up with a rose. I cannot say that much for some of the women. And the final rose goes to... Onion girl!? Onion girl with the final rose? All my wtf thoughts come barreling through my mind.
Now the top picks. The best cocktail dresses go to Ashley I, Tara, Kelsey, Becca, Samantha - which I will be honest, were hard for me to pick because they didn't give me great views this week. But I knew I loved Ashley I's because it was the same one that Amanda wore last week but in red. My favorites overall? I am still fond of Britt and Jillian - but I think I am also going to love Whitney, surprise, right? I will keep you in the loop as I actually get to know the women a little better. It can all change in the blink of an episode. Who are your favorites going into episode 3?
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