How to Actually Enjoy Planning Your Wedding

So, you’re getting ready to plan your very own wedding. You may very well be looking forward to the process, but as many former brides will tell you, wedding planning isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, many will even tell you that when they never would have considered eloping previously, they definitely did at one point or another during the wedding planning process. So before you let wedding planning get the best of you, here are some tips for actually enjoying preparing for the big day.

Don’t try to please everyone. It’s a wedding. Chances are you’re going to disagree with, offend, or feel guilty about someone during this time. So rather than trying to please everyone as you plan your wedding, stick to what feels right to you and your soon-to-be spouse. After all, this is your day, and you’re ultimately paying for it. If you want a small wedding, then have a small wedding. (You can always have a giant, more informal party later to help people feel included if you want to.) If you and your spouse don’t like dancing, then don’t feel like you have to do a first dance. If the two of you are dreaming of a destination wedding, then go for that. This doesn’t mean that you should ignore people’s emotions altogether—especially those of close friends and family members—but you should definitely work to strike a balance that you and your spouse-to-be are happy with.

Don’t treat your wedding like a performance. This point ties in with the first point. Another important thing to keep in mind as you plan your wedding is that this is essentially a big party for the two of you. You, of all people, should enjoy your wedding day. So as you plan your wedding, keep in mind that yes, you will be the focal point, but you don’t have to spend your day entertaining the other guests. Imagine you and your spouse attending your wedding as well, rather than simply being the spectacle of it.

Keep it simple. If you’re finding yourself stressing nonstop over takeaway favors, save the dates, the guestbook, boutonnieres, centerpieces, the wedding website, and the engagement party, then maybe it’s time to stop and reassess. How many of these things do you actually need? Remember: all you technically need for your wedding is an officiant, plus a few close friends and family members if you’re not eloping. A pretty dress (though not necessarily white or expensive), some refreshments (though not necessarily catered), and some flowers (though not necessarily from a florist) can add a special touch to your day as well. Whatever you choose to invest in beyond that, be sure that you’re only investing in it because it’s important to you. Don’t feel pressured to spend money on things simply because they are tradition or because you have other people telling you that you absolutely need it. Make it you.

Stick to your budget. On a similar note, be sure to decide on a realistic budget from the get-go and to stick to it. Decide on a couple key things that are especially important to you, and from that determine what you don’t need to be spending a significant portion of your budget on. If a photographer and videographer are most important to you, for example, then decide that you will allow yourself to pay for what you want in these two areas, and then make it a point to save money in other areas, such as your dress, flowers, and refreshments. Stretching your budget will only stress you out more as you plan your wedding.

Delegate. Remember: you don’t have to do all of this yourself. There is stress-reducing power in delegation. Consider enlisting a few close friends and family members to help you nail out details that you can loosen the reins on, such as finding a bridesmaid dress, putting together the centerpieces, gathering dessert ideas that match your color palette, etc.

Outsource what needs to be outsourced. If you’re like so many of us out there, you probably have a Pinterest board full of DIY wedding ideas. But before you take on any do-it-yourself project, be sure to ask yourself, “Is the time it’s going to take me worth the reduced cost?” Sure, you might save a few bucks baking your own wedding cupcakes, but when you would have to do so the day before your wedding, when it would take a matter of hours, and when you can buy a beautiful set of cupcakes at your local bakery for a few dollars more, this is definitely something to consider outsourcing. When comparing costs between paying for a service and doing it yourself, don’t forget to factor in the costs of added time and stress on your end.

Plan from the guest list (and not the other way around). This is a good point taken fromthis article on staying sane while party planning. Instead of making overhead decisions about your wedding from the start, try to get a good idea of your guest list first, and then make your decisions from there. This will allow you to make more realistic decisions about things like catering, seating, and favors from the start. If you are suddenly having around 200 guests at your wedding, for example, when you’ve always envisioned having about 100, you might make more streamlined decisions about your catering and decide to forego wedding favors altogether.

By: Maurine Anderson

Three Years Married

Yesterday we celebrated our third year of marriage. Crazy to think that we are three years in - and even crazier when you think about we have only lived together for about half of that. I think that is one reason why it doesn't feel like we have been married that long... That reason combined with I really am so much happier with Adam makes these last three years seem like three minutes. I am SO lucky to have Adam as my best friend and my husband. And I will spare you the mushy post for now... but know that I couldn't have found a more perfect man for me. And now keeping up with traditions I am going to share our third year by the numbers.

 

During our third year of marriage...

1 brand new home purchase
0 children
1 puppy
132 days apart
2 new jobs for Deidre
1 baseball card for Adam
45 innings pitched
1 allstar team for Adam
4 trips to see Adam - one in AZ, three in AL
1 move to Idaho
155 baseball games
4 trips and vacations
44 strikeouts for Adam
2,228 miles between us during baseball season
dozens of date nights
hundreds of selfies
thousands of minutes texting, FaceTiming, and talking
millions of memories and laughs

You can catch our first year in number and our second year in numbers too. Can't wait to see what year four brings us. I have a gut feeling it is going to be a big one in the Miller home.

Cotton Anniversary

Remember a really long time ago when it was Adam's and my anniversary? And I told you all about us and how we had been married for two years. I mean... I ever did a little Q&A with Adam and with me answering the same questions. And to celebrate our anniversary we closed the distance between us - because I was in Arizona living at our home and working and he was in Indiana playing summer ball for the South Bend Silverhawks - and I headed out to see him. And then I told you I would tell you all about our cotton anniversary. Do you remember all that? And do you remember how by a long time ago I mean it was in August? Well I am finally living up to that promise. Because now we are moved to Idaho and settled in and I finally had time to upload photos. So here you have it. Our second anniversary. Or as some traditionalists call it - the cotton anniversary.

I packed up my stuff and I head to South Bend for a whole WEEK! What a blessing. I loved being able to be there with Adam and watch him pitch twice and enjoy 5 home games. All good things. All the time. The first night I got there I had to hang out and watch Forensic Files by myself until Adam got back from his road trip at like 1AM. I feel like it is important you know I was watching Forensic Files so you can understand the mindset I was in when I started tracking Adam's phone and started freaking out when his phone was somehow following a river. Thanks for nothing GPS tracking.

Anyway. He finally got back and we got to enjoy each other's company AT LAST! We didn't take any photos together really. Mostly it was baseball photos and pictures of our little mini celebration. And a nice shot of the incredible streamer wall I made since I was bored while Adam was at the field.





I feel like I need to tell you a little more about these cupcakes. Adam and I had been trying to decide what treat to get. He left it up to me. Which clearly means cupcakes because I am a cupcake-aholic. I drove all the way to the other side of town to get these beauties. They were DIVINE. Seriously so good. If you are in South Bend, get them. But that isn't the story I wanted to tell you. The story is about the two young ladies working at the shop. I walked in, got my cupcakes, and was paying. The girl said, "Do you want a punchcard?" And I said, "No thanks. I live in Arizona so I probably wont ever fill it!" The girl said, "Oh really? What bring you to South Bend?" I said, "My husband is here for work." She said, "What does he do?" I said, "He is a pitcher for the South Bend Silverhawks." She said, "OH MY GOSH! NO WAY!? I have always dreamed of marrying a professional baseball player. That is so cool! I can't believe this is happening! I am so jealous." To which I said, "Yeah, it is an adventure!" But really in my mind I am thinking, who dreams of marrying an athlete? I feel lucky to have Adam - but his personality and attitude trumps him ever being an athlete. I just thought it was funny. And yeah, the cupcakes were really good. I ate most of them. Whoops.





We had both been plotting our gifts from a distance. We like to follow the traditional anniversary gifts for the most part. Last year was paper so I got Adam books and he got me a message in a bottle, a locket to put a paper photo in, and shoes... I don't know how the shoes fit in? But he said they did. Clearly this year we were on the same page...







That is right. Tshirts for everyone! Adam got me the baseball tee I had been eyeing for awhile. Obvs, every baseball wife needs a good baseball tee. And I got Adam a tshirt with my face on it and a Wendy Peffercorn is a dime shirt. If you don't know who Wendy Peffercorn is - go watch Sandlot. You can thank me later. Wonder which shirt Adam has been wearing more? The one with my face on it. I thought it was a great joke but he loves it and a few of his friends have asked how they can get their own.

The whole weekend ended with baseball. Of course. What else would you expect? Adam had already pitched one game and this was going to be the second one I could watch. He hit 98 MPH and got a bunch of strike outs. And his team got the win. Both times.













Sadly, this is one of the only photos I got on my nice camera of us together. But I will take it. We are happy. We are in love. And we are at a baseball stadium. It describes us perfectly. I posted a bunch of other photos of us from throughout the week on Instagram - all the way back in August - so feel free to go scroll through to find them. So happy to have celebrated two year with this handsome devil, to get a week off of work, and to see him dominate on the mound. Can't wait to see where we will be celebrating next year. Fingers crossed it is in Phoenix - because that means he made the big leagues.

Love Completes Each Other

A little while ago my friend Tausha asked if I would participate in her Love Dare channel. She assigned me with Day 33: Love Completes Each Other. The pages themselves talk about how we are separate and individual. As a husband and a wife we are two totally different human beings with different skills, different families, and different personalities - but when we combine we can find strength and progress as a whole. The date for the day was to recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

While I was excited to see what dare she would give me, when I opened the email I thought to myself, this could not be more perfect for Adam and me. I have always known that through a thoughtful Heavenly Father I would be put through different trails and successes to make me the person I am. I would have the ups and I would highs and I would have the lows, that is part of being here on earth, and everyone can attest to that. But I have never totally thought about how my highs and lows would become a perfect fit for my spouse's highs and lows. That our experience before we met would prepare us for each other and that somehow, so perfectly, we would be each other's rock through it all. I always just thought of it as some give and take, but it is give and take with the strength from a mightier power.

There have been many times that something has gone completely wrong and upside down for one of us, in turn making it a huge point of discussion and topic in our marriage. Because now we are not two, we are simply one. And when something happens to one of us, it happens to both of us. When I got laid off, we lost our income. When Adam for drafted, we had a life in minor league baseball. When I got a job offer in Idaho, we moved together. And when Adam got an arm injury, we had to discuss options in case things didn't work out the way we had planned. And right away we knew we needed to create a plan to make a strong marriage through times of decision, so no matter what was in front of us we were a united force.

Discuss what the problem is. We decided it was important to really discuss everything that happened. Every option. Every success. Every failure. Everything and anything that could contribute to what got us into the place we were now. We wanted to make sure we both fully understood what the other person was going through. Because if we didn't know that we would not be to give our input into solutions. Plus, just being able to get inside the other person's though process and really understand helps to be empathetic.

Discuss solutions. And when I say solutions, I mean it as solutions. Don't just think of one solution and run with it. Really make sure you consider all your options, and discuss every option. As you do that make sure you present and concerns with things being brought up. Be honest and be forward with how you feel. Don't let one person drive the conversation and you resent them later. Make sure you are on the same page through all the solution conversation.

Remember that you will need to compromise. Once you have a few options, narrow it down to one solution. The one that feels best and is most reasonable for both of you. There will be a lot of give and take here, because while no answer is perfect one answer will be perfect for both of you with compromise.

Pray about your choice. Prayer is important in our family, and for some people prayer might come in the form of talking to someone or journaling and really pondering it. But for us, we pray. Once we have a choice we pray about it to see if we get the good feels about what we decided. We pray together and we pray individually over multiple days. Then we come back together and discuss any thoughts or impressions that we have had over our choice during that time.

Agree and move forward. This is the most important part. Once you have done all the discussing and pondering together and on your own, come back together one last time and make sure you both still agree. Then move forward. Don't look back on other options, just move forward and know that you made that choice as a team and it was the right one.

Marriage is a team sport. And through his strengths and her strengths you become a team that can win, but only when you put your trust and love into your what your spouse has to offer. Only then can you become one complete unit, a game winning team. I can honestly say that Adam has been my rock through some of the hardest times, and I think he would say the same thing for me. When we see one person softening and weakening, we become strong for them to help lift them and raise them. Because our team, our marriage, is only as strong as we make it. It is only as strong as we let it be. Sometimes Adam will carry me through the storm and sometimes I will lead him, but that makes us strong. And that is where our love steps in to complete each other.

Paint Nite

This little gem has been tucked away in my drafts for four months. Way too long. I am just slow at getting things off my camera these days. And once I got these ones off I took a sabatoical. Also coming soon are photos from our anniversary in August. Just pretend all of this happened really recently, yeah? So this is a date that I mentioned in our anniversary questionnaire a while back. Our date night at Paint Nite. We always take turns planning date night. Usually mine revolves around whatever treat I want and something that Adam swears he would never want to do - like pedicures, which he loved. Okay, that is not totally true, but that was one date I planned over his time home to rehab his arm. Adam's is usually something far more creative. He is really good at searching out the fun things in the area. And one thing he found was called Paint Nite. How it works - you sign up online for a class based on the photo you want to paint. It is usually at a restaurant so you can eat and drink while you paint. We botched that one when we went to Costa Vida first, but Costa was oh so good. They give you a smock, a canvas, and all the paints. Oh, and an instructor to make sure you know what you are doing. The painting for the night we went was the Boston skyline.

We had so much fun cozied in a booth trying to figure out how to paint and be artists. And what do you know? I think our paintings turned out pretty well. Apparently we do have some artistic ability. Well, we already knew Adam did... just ask him about his fish - or if you ever come to our house look in the main bathroom because we always hang it in there so most guests will see it. It was fun to get some new artwork, to try something different, and try out our hand in painting. These beauties will be going into our guest room at the new house. So when you come visit us you can see them up close and personal. Have you ever gone out on a crafty date? What is the favorite date you have gone on?