... this is me.

After my sister in law asking me time and time again to make a blog so she could keep up with my life I gave in. So here it is my official first post :)

This last weekend was the most interesting learning experience of my life. I decided to compete in another pageant after my close win this summer. I thought for sure I wanted the pageant life. I wanted to win! To have a taste of the glory. So here it is. Drove to Twin Falls Friday night to get all pageant packed. Got up early early on Saturday morning to drive to Boise for the pageant. After an interview I spent some time with my mom the whole time saying "I hope I did good, I hope I made a good impression"... so on and so forth. I was so worried about what this panel of five judges would think of me.

Went to the pageant tech rehearsal that led right into the pageant. I was sitting backstage continually fixing myself in the mirror, making sure my walk was right, and going over my talent time and time again. I wanted that crown. Slowly I started to notice all the other girls... they weren't the same kind of girls from my pageant this summer. This summer the girls became my friends, the girls were supporters, they encouraged me. The girls here wanted a crown too... they didn't care about who I was or what I was doing.

The pageant started and I was still in my competition mode. Opening number, on stage question, swimsuit, talent... After talent I had some time to check my phone. I had messages from a few friends wishing me good luck and saying they loved me no matter what, and thats when it all hit me. This pageant, the crown, did not matter. It didn't matter to the people who truly care about me, and the people it did matter, they weren't important enough. I couldn't believe how foolish I had been. I had just drove about 5 hours to compete in a pageant that didn't mean a thing to me. I started packing, because I just didn't care anymore. Girls came back stage and said "What are you doing? Are you okay? Do you think you did bad?" And they were so confused at my response, "I think I did fine, I just realized this doesn't matter..." When the pageant was over, and the crowns were handed out, I wasn't a winner. Ad my friends and family came up on stage I was crying, not because I hadn't won, but because they were coming to tell me how great I did. The fact that they were there to support and love me no matter what confirmed the my previous discovery and emotions rushed through me.

I know that the pageant didn't matter. If I am me, there will be people that support and love me no matter. I can be a role model without winning pageant and I can reach my goals without a crown; if I reach for it, then thats the best I can do. And that is what I learned.